I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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