So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
