i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
