I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
