it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So vagazzling was a success
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
