Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
