i would punch a child for taco bell
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
