So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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