people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
