is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
