Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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