oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
how does that bad decision feel?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
