at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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