There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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