just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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