Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
