I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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