I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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