Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
