I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
