this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
