he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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