you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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