I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
