$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
