I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
