Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
