Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
