threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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