shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
