this beer tastes like vomit already
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
