May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
