im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
