I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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