I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
