id be glad to
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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