is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
