I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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