I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
