my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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