i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
