I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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