i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
