you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
His hands were made for my vagina.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize