you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
