a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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