Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
this is an emotional support booty call
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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