Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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