The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
