Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
