Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just pynch a tree in the face
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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