so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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