Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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