the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Quick, to the slutcave!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
