That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
