I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
