Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
