look no pants
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
