we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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