i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
