I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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