tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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