He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
look no pants
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
