Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
