hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
