the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize