Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
