so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
