hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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