I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
