i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
