i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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