I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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