I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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